Dear readers,
Welcome back to my thirty day digital declutter challenge documentation. It's already been a week. As a whole, it doesn't feel like its been a week and I didn't have much struggles. Thinking about it, I can remind myself of all the thoughts I had during all the voids experienced by avoiding low-quality activities as well as the frustration and boredom I went through. Today isn't something too new either. In fact, the frustration is enhanced. I feel often the urge to pick my phone or tablet up; especially right after I finish playing a Uke tutorial or dance choreography or any other form of educational video for that matter. The motivation to give is considerable but, the motivation to not give up is dominating and that's why I'm here.
My day didn't start usual today. I had a very good rest last night. I woke an hour late than usual. I had a very umm what to say unusual dream? I had some chatter in my mind about that when I was waking up. Ignoring all those, I woke up and I joined my mom who was picking mushrooms inside our yard. I didn't help her pick. I just followed her everywhere she went. Because there were lots of mosquitoes, she told me to go in. I didn't exercise today. It's a break. Later, after reading few pages of digital minimalism, I helped my mom prepare breakfast. It was chapati, a type of Indian bread made of wheat. Then, I studied. I was able to study pretty well. Almost around afternoon, I lost focus. I don't know why there was a lot of background hum. I think it was always there but I'm noticing it a lot now. It was kind of too much. I kept craving for human interactions.
Today, at noon our uncle and their family visited us. I spent some time with my cousin chatting and playing games. We had fun. It was relatively less exciting as it's with their family; but better than my mind drowning in useless thoughts. I do not understand how do people have such interactions where you can't have your comfort and you have to be lit because they are your family. But realizing the need for me to socialize more, I tried my best. They are fun to be honest. It's my habit if isolating myself which makes me feel uncomfortable. And I also think social interactions are supposed to be a little uneasy. It's upon us as to how we will deal with it. I'll try to be more conscious about this from next time. To mention, my mom made fish curry and fish fry for lunch. Oh My God, it was delicious. Also, I got to talk to my cousin brother who is in his college. I really appreciated the way he talked to me. Although, I feel like I'm a little bit awkward to talk to, he knew how to carry conversations. The little time we talked, we didn't encounter awkward silences which I usually do encounter while talking with anyone except my parents. I'm proud of him.
After they left, me, mom and dad had a brief conversation about general things. I do not particularly remember what was that about, but I felt happy that we had a conversation altogether. Then, I played my Uke for riptide again and I learnt singing it too. I never learnt singing, but I can speak in melody; pleasant or not doesn't matter. Then having nothing to do I picked up another book from my shelf. The Big Bang of Numbers by Manil Suri and read some introductory pages. The book was engaging for sure. However, I was trying to battle to background hum so much so that I wasn't even understanding why was it happening so frequently. Like why? It's ok if it's for a few times a day but it was so loud that it was taking my focus away. I was taking bath when I kind of found an answer to calm my frustration down. It's my ovulation day. My estrogen levels are high. That is one of the reasons, my mind kept getting distracted. Another reason I came up with was that at this point my brain wants the low-quality treats back so much. I wanted to write this off so I started to write.
"The background hum I used to avoid or pour more energy into by watching reels, YouTube videos is noticeable even more after I decided taking break from these low-quality activities. I'm still looking for something to fill the void. I have noticed that if it's only my brain doing the work like studying, it's easy for those background chatter to dominate. Instead, if I'm playing Uke or singing a song using my entire body, it's significantly less - near to nothing. Therefore, I want to fill those voids with something which engages both my body and mind. It's becoming a little harder. At the same time, having seen seven day wins, my brain is craving for more wins. I'm a winner. I'm thinking of crocheting though. I do not know how it will turn out. "
A little later I read some more pages, I ate my dinner. I read something about the Light phone today. This is my first time hearing about dumb phones. I explored about them on YouTube. They turned out to be so many and so many people use them. I have been wanting a new phone. After I decided to become a digital minimalist I felt there was no need for a new phone. But I might consider buying one of those dumb phones. That is all for today. The background hum has reduced as I'm writing. I will take a good night's sleep. If tomorrow exists for me, you will be able to walk through it as well. Thank you so much universe for everything. I'm truly grateful.
-strangelet