It's finally the "DAY ONE". When I say this, I mean there have been many attempted day ones. I'm happy that it has all worked out. Thanks to Cal Newport for designing digital declutter. I felt like I never had so much time. Lying on bed I keep staring at the ceiling fan hanging. Several thoughts running in my head. In the end, one thing is crystal clear.
"I'm totally in this"
My day started as usual with fresh life shot and a healthy walk with my dad around our village. It's vacation time and I'm trying to stay active. I recently had a burnout. Unable to finish all the tasks, I'm taking a break to figure out "where did it all went abnormal?" I was among the top student in throughout my school life. I enjoyed learning so much. And then the lockdown happened. I'm pretty sure a lot of you will relate to me. Thinking about it, I think one major difference happened was introduction of technology. I studied in a residential school where mobile phones weren't allowed. I remember collecting coins to talk to parents on coin booth once a week for just five minutes. Computers were limited for coding and to answer some emails.
It was during lockdown I followed every other Indian youtuber, K-pop group members, various singers and dancers on YouTube and Instagram. I do not know when these social medias consumed me while I was consuming their contents. They definitely entertained me, educated me about a lot of things and even motivated me to create content on my own(In which I failed after few weeks); but I do not know where I lost the balance. At the time I remember, I felt this thing is amazing. I still fell the same. I'm pro tech. I want to stay pro tech at the same time, I want my peace back. My mind wants break from the constant hum of all trending songs. I strongly feel that optimizing how I use technology will directly affects my performance in school and other activities like networking, eating, sleeping and almost everything. And that's why I decided to declutter digitally. I've had my failed attempts in dopamine detoxes but this time I'm confident.
My trust in myself is the reason for me to build this website and to start this blogpost. I know that no one will read this. But when I'll read myself in the future, I'll surely be proud of myself. After I had my breakfast, I sat to read. I set some rules for my journey. For example, uninstalling Instagram for 30 days, watching Netflix only with friends and family and as simple as not carrying my phone when using toilet. I also made list of alternative tasks to perform in case I feel the urge to scroll or I'm bored. That included learning Uke, dancing, learning new skills and even something as lame as writing this blog. I had started creating this website since yesterday and I'm confident enough to publish it after this blog so I finished few more customizations and started to study. That's when the uneasiness started. I grabbed a paper and [en and jotted down as follows.
Time without doom scrolling or using any other social media feels really uneasy. My mind and body both are craving for it but I'm doing all my best to control it. My brain is waiting for that dopamine release. My heart races as I write this. My breath feels heavier. As I take a deep breath I feel better. I'm looking for something to get occupied with. I decided to draw something when I heard my mon says, let's visit out neighborhood to aunt's home.
I felt at ease having spent some time with my mom. We ate lunch and I lied down to take a nap. I couldn't sleep. My head which feels heavy everyday due to excessive exposure to screen feels almost empty. But I still hear the humming. I sing Maestro by seventeen in my head. I miss watching their videos already. I try to go to my own fantasy world bit it's not working as much. Then I got up to eat some jackfruit and spent some time chatting with m grandma who is almost 94. Later, I had meeting with my new counselor, unimpressed, I started to read Physics, I read about new particles discovered inside of the nucleus of an atom and understood almost nothing. Then trying to resist my temptation to scroll my iPad, I started listening to Osho's words on loneliness vs solitude. It was the right thing at the right time. Just today morning I was reading about the practice of solitude in Digital Minimalism by Cal Newport. I was noticing it's absence thorough out the day when I was trying to enjoy my surroundings. As I listen to him with the background humming of other people's drama in my mind, there occurs a point when he talks about breaking of ego and the appearance of paramatma (the God) and exactly at that point I felt him. My eyes filled with tears, my brain starts to sing,
prem li lagan lage jab
prem ki ho lay
milne se na roke niyati na
rok paye samay
prem base jis tam man
prem bina ho jeevan
prem lage adhoora sa
jab tak na ho prem milan
Radhakrishna, Radhakrishna....
Satisfied me, ate dinner and now I'm writing this. And that is the end of day one. I never wrote something like this before. So, if you are bored, forgive me. It's time to close the screens. See you tomorrow.
-strangelet